Some loathe it, some love it, and others don’t want to discuss it. But as long as you work with humans, chances are you’ll come across workplace romances. Let’s talk about how to keep it in check.
In order to prepare your company for the ups and downs of workplace romance, you’ll have to understand where romance is today.
Dating today
Much like everything else it touches, the internet has changed the process of courtship forever. With the introduction of dating apps like Tinder, OKCupid, and eHarmony, courtship took a turn for the strangest. Dating became a ratings war.
“The rise of phone apps and online dating websites gives people access to more potential partners than they could meet.”, said Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Stanford who conducted a study of online dating. Rosenfeld told Roberto A. Ferdman for an interview with the Washington Post, “It also helps the people who use the apps by allowing them to enjoy a pattern of regular hookups that don’t have to lead to relationships. I think these things are definitely characteristic of modern romance.”
These romance-finding apps have seemingly run their course, though. Tons of users are reporting a type of “dating app fatigue”. Folks are beginning to understand the value of real-life meetings and relationship building, which brings us to face-to-face serendipitous meetings – the office included.
“If you ask me where I’d like my only daughter to meet a guy, I’m not going to say at a bar or online.”, writes Liz Ryan, leader of the Human Workplace movement to reinvent work for people. “The workplace is a perfectly wonderful place to meet a person and start a romantic relationship.”
By the numbers
When your staff is putting in full-time work at your office, chances are they have a few admirers. It is, after all, where they are spending the bulk of their time, and the numbers prove it.
Vault Rankings conducted a study on office romance in 2015, finding a number of interesting statistics.
The company surveyed nearly 2,300 professionals and discovered that more than half had a workplace romance. Of those who have been in a relationship with someone they work with:
- 42% said they had an ongoing, casual relationship
- 36% said they have had a “random office hookup”
- 29% have a serious, long-term relationship
- 16% had met their spouse or partner at work
One of the most engaged career fields for a workplace romance is human resources. 57% of HR folks admitted to having a workplace romance at some point in their career. (Are you one of them?)
While romance in the workplace typically has a bad ring to it, the numbers don’t lie. Could finding love in the office lead to any good? It sure can.
The upside to a workplace romance
The biggest positive to your company with employees in a workplace romance is boosted production. Let’s face it, while they shouldn’t be talking about work outside of the office, it’s a challenge for most people to let the work day go and not focus on their growing list of deadlines.
Employees who are dating will likely have a lot to talk about from work, and as long as it doesn’t go against a policy, it will help them be more engaged, too. If your employee’s relationship becomes long-term, it could lead to a longer period with both of them on your staff.
People generally like to be around others they love, and while it’s their responsibility to act professional at work, that doesn’t mean they aren’t yearning to get to the office early just to see their partner.
And if you’re going to treat your lovebird employees with respect and hold them accountable (more on that later), you’ll likely build better relationships with them and their teams, leading to a more positive culture.
While the positives of workplace romances rely on you, the company, and each of your employees to communicate often and early about the relationship, there are still ways the relationship could become a pitfall.
The downside to a workplace romance
The easiest way for an office romance to go astray is if one of your employees is already in a relationship. If they are married or have been with a long-term partner, your employees’ office romance is going to be considered a home-wrecking situation.
When an employee is cheating on a partner with another employee, your company could face morale concerns, and maybe even lose a staff member or two.
Another issue is if the employees are in the same department or are part of each other’s regular working groups. Once the relationship is known publicly, other folks may feel like your lovebirds are playing favorites or becoming a conflict of interest.
Without explicit arrangements before a relationship disaster, your company could be brought into a sexual harassment nightmare.
Popular culture took notice of sexual harassment in 1990’s with the Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas hearings. In short, Hill accused Thomas of sexually harassing her when she had worked for him. Politics aside, this case helped usher in awareness for sexual harassment policies, but still has a long way to go.
After a relationship turns for the worst, a subordinate employee may claim that they only consented to the relationship because their supervisor threatened them with demotion or getting fired. Regardless of the truth, this situation drags your company into the mix.
Another way these allegations come about is when the relationship ends and one of your employees is harassed by the other person. Sexual harassment is no joke and would require your HR and other leaders to intervene.
Prepare for romance
The Society for Human Resource Management conducted a study on workplace romance readiness finding that 54% of companies don’t have a written or verbal policy on workplace romances. For the companies that do have a policy, 99% say romance between a supervisor and a direct report is not permitted.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to your risk management or legal folks to get started on drafting a workplace romance policy. If you don’t have a policy, you need one. There could be legal concerns if a situation occurs and you don’t have a workplace romance policy.
“Employers should consider both the legal implications associated with sexual harassment and retaliation claims under Title VII of the Civil Acts of 1964 and similar state and local laws, as well as the practical implications associated with favoritism stemming from consensual relationships in the workplace.”, writes Donald D. Gamburg, for the Philadelphia Business Journal. “At a minimum, a good fraternization policy prohibits romantic or sexual relationships between supervisors and direct subordinates.”
Completely restricting workplace romances isn’t the direction to go, either. This ignores the truth that whether or not workplace romances are allowed, they are going to happen. The stronger the consequences, the more likely your staff will hide their relationships.
Love contracts
One of the best strategies for avoiding workplace romance nightmares is to draft a “love contract” or what’s generally called a romance agreement. We know, it might feel funny to even be talking about this, but here’s why you need one.
While a love contract doesn’t replace your workplace romance policies, it does bring the lovebirds and the company to an agreement. A typical love contract informs your company of the relationship and that it is with two consenting adults.
The employees agree that their relationship won’t become a conflict of interest, that the relationship won’t affect the business, their performance in their jobs, and informs your employees that either of them is allowed to end the relationship without fear of retaliation.
A little heavy on business and not on love, sure. But when paired with your workplace romance policies, a love contract can protect your business. Here’s a love contract to get you started.
Workplace romances will continue to play out in offices around the world. Some people will meet their life partner at work and others will want to switch departments because of a break-up. Nothing your company restricts can change this outcome and the best you can do is prepare your policies, communicate with your staff, and hope for the best.
But if you’re still bent on trying to eliminate workplace romances completely, may we suggest becoming a remote company? It’s much easier to have fewer romances when your main forms of communication are video chats and Slack. Though, it still could happen!